Being in a financial situation where, as a mother, I do not have a choice but to return to working 40 hours a week, I have had to make the difficult decision to put my youngest child into the care of others, with the hope that after I pay that person at the end of the week, I still have enough left over to pay the bills and treat my kids to the occasional ice cream cone.
However, since returning to work 15 months ago, I have gone through 3 regular caregivers, and appreciated the occasional emergency back-up temporary care giving of 2 friends and the assistance of working in-laws who took my son with them to their company to watch until I found someone else.
This last time, I started looking for replacement/alternative resources 3 weeks ago when my son would cling to me with eyes overflowing with tears when I would drop him off. My heart was broken, especially after watching this person’s son hit my son in the face. If I could afford high quality care with high tech facilities, I would have sent my son there. Or, I would find a way to stay home, like I did for my daughter.
Mothers often have to make tough decisions when it comes to raising their children. Sometimes those decisions come back to haunt us, even if we don’t see any alternative solution. This is one of mine. But we can’t change our past. We can only learn the lesson and hope someone else finds a better way.
I received an email from this caregiver last night. She has asked me to find someone else to watch my son. In her words, her son “has become more aggressive than usual, and (my son) has become aggressive back (to her son).” She also is having a difficult time communicating with my son since he does not talk and occasionally wants to just play by himself. My son is behind in his speech, but understands perfectly when you talk to him. He has proven this multiple times, even with the occasional “selective hearing.”
When I saw my son last night, he had scratches on his face, including a deep one that removed skin. I wonder if in time my son can forgive me for leaving him with this person.
Friday, April 4, 2014
75 Days and Counting Down...
This is my 5th year back into the racing world. My second year qualifying for the title of Triathlete. (My husband determined this based on the distance of the races and whether or not it allowed 2 women on "Townies" riding side by side, leisurely riding along in deep conversation, who blocked the other riders trying to pass them.) This title was awarded to me by my husband after completing the Esprit de She all women's triathlon in Naperville, Illinois last summer.
I am proud to say this year I am competing in the Esprit de She Triathlon in Naperville again. This year as a Founding Finisher. As of today, there are only 78 more days before the race. (I love the little countdown feature they provide on the website for the races. It's like a countdown to Christmas.)
Is 78 days enough time to prepare for this race?
First, let's look at the open water swim: Yesterday was the first day of Spring. It snowed. Where's my wetsuit? Honestly, I currently do not have one because the one I purchased last year was ruined due to smoke/heat damage. Put that on my shopping list. I have to practice swimming with the new one before the race. And I don't mean the day before.
What about my physical ability to go the distance? Well, I swam a mile Wednesday evening in 28 minutes. (Does anyone else question their lap counting? I tend to repeat a number if in doubt.) Not my best time, but I can do a 750 open water. Check.
Biking? I have been spinning on my bike, indoors, a few days a week most of the off season. Looking forward to riding with my cycling club beginning in April. A little late this year due to weather, but I'm not starting from the sofa. I can spin a constant hour; last year's 14.2 mile ride was finished in 42 minutes. I should be able to finish.
And the run? Okay, this is not my strength. In fact, I prefer to run outside and this Winter has not allowed me. In fact, I had just finished my second week back into running at an indoor track (2 miles at a time to start), when my life decided I needed some change (house fires tend to do that).
Thank you Self Magazine for the article "train for a 10K race in 4 weeks." I'm sure it was meant for someone who was ready for a 5k and just needed to up their distance, but this is helping me. I am almost through my first week of training (okay, I don't take the days 100% off as told to by the article, but I can't, I'm a mother). And by the end of the 4 weeks I will be racing in this year's first race, a 10K. 5 weeks later I will be fulfilling my dreaming of finishing an Olympic Distance triathlon in Carlyle, Illinois. Key word: Finishing.
So in 78 days, yes, I will be able to finish the Esprit de She Triathlon, but is it enough time to prepare to compete?
In four weeks I will be running a 10k race at Morton Arboretum. If you have ever been there, you are familiar with the hills. Last Spring it was flooded out. It is filled with hills. Fun, rolling, and steep at times hills. This is good training. It is also pushing myself above a leisure "just make the distance" pace. Then, there's the Olympic Distance Triathlon, relatively flat, with one hill to keep you honest and separate the dogs from the pups. My parents will be there watching. Something that doesn't get to happen very often anymore. I don't know when it will happen again. For this reason, I must push myself more. And then, the final race before Esprit de She, Leon's Triathlon. Again, Olympic distance. I questioned this one. It's the week before EDS. Should I even do it? I compared results last year and noted that the winner in my age group did it. Perhaps, that's my motivation. After a longer race like that, EDS is truly a sprint.
So, in conclusion, yes, I will have had enough motivation to keep pushing myself to do a little better. I will compete and I will improve on my time from last year. Because we are our toughest competition.
I am proud to say this year I am competing in the Esprit de She Triathlon in Naperville again. This year as a Founding Finisher. As of today, there are only 78 more days before the race. (I love the little countdown feature they provide on the website for the races. It's like a countdown to Christmas.)
Is 78 days enough time to prepare for this race?
First, let's look at the open water swim: Yesterday was the first day of Spring. It snowed. Where's my wetsuit? Honestly, I currently do not have one because the one I purchased last year was ruined due to smoke/heat damage. Put that on my shopping list. I have to practice swimming with the new one before the race. And I don't mean the day before.
What about my physical ability to go the distance? Well, I swam a mile Wednesday evening in 28 minutes. (Does anyone else question their lap counting? I tend to repeat a number if in doubt.) Not my best time, but I can do a 750 open water. Check.
Biking? I have been spinning on my bike, indoors, a few days a week most of the off season. Looking forward to riding with my cycling club beginning in April. A little late this year due to weather, but I'm not starting from the sofa. I can spin a constant hour; last year's 14.2 mile ride was finished in 42 minutes. I should be able to finish.
And the run? Okay, this is not my strength. In fact, I prefer to run outside and this Winter has not allowed me. In fact, I had just finished my second week back into running at an indoor track (2 miles at a time to start), when my life decided I needed some change (house fires tend to do that).
Thank you Self Magazine for the article "train for a 10K race in 4 weeks." I'm sure it was meant for someone who was ready for a 5k and just needed to up their distance, but this is helping me. I am almost through my first week of training (okay, I don't take the days 100% off as told to by the article, but I can't, I'm a mother). And by the end of the 4 weeks I will be racing in this year's first race, a 10K. 5 weeks later I will be fulfilling my dreaming of finishing an Olympic Distance triathlon in Carlyle, Illinois. Key word: Finishing.
So in 78 days, yes, I will be able to finish the Esprit de She Triathlon, but is it enough time to prepare to compete?
In four weeks I will be running a 10k race at Morton Arboretum. If you have ever been there, you are familiar with the hills. Last Spring it was flooded out. It is filled with hills. Fun, rolling, and steep at times hills. This is good training. It is also pushing myself above a leisure "just make the distance" pace. Then, there's the Olympic Distance Triathlon, relatively flat, with one hill to keep you honest and separate the dogs from the pups. My parents will be there watching. Something that doesn't get to happen very often anymore. I don't know when it will happen again. For this reason, I must push myself more. And then, the final race before Esprit de She, Leon's Triathlon. Again, Olympic distance. I questioned this one. It's the week before EDS. Should I even do it? I compared results last year and noted that the winner in my age group did it. Perhaps, that's my motivation. After a longer race like that, EDS is truly a sprint.
So, in conclusion, yes, I will have had enough motivation to keep pushing myself to do a little better. I will compete and I will improve on my time from last year. Because we are our toughest competition.
Courage, Confidence, Character
If you know the 3 C's of Girl Scouting, you know that as a leader our role is to help girls grow with Courage, Confidence and Character.
I have been my daughter's Troop Leader now for 4 years. I have been through different levels of training and have even lead training for Girl Scouts. My specific training is as a First Aid/AED trainer, but I have had the pleasure of also covering for Daisy Leadership Training. This particular level is the most important in my mind. Because this is the level that can be the easiest and the most challenging.
But, I want to talk about a particular area of Girl Scouts that has more topics for discussion than there are calories in a box of Thin Mint Cookies. Cookie Sales.
In the past, I have not been very involved in the Troop Sales of Cookies (or Fall Product for that matter). I've attended the Cookie Manager Training, I've helped my daughter as much as I could, and have always felt disappointed at the end.
Why? Because there are reasons why Girl Scouts sell Cookies.
First, to raise funds to help pay for activities and materials. This requires someone to actually sell cookies. And then, the girls need to participate in activities.
Second, it is an opportunity for girls to learn about the 5 skills associated with running a business. From setting a goal, to how they plan to achieve that goal, to what they are going to do when they reach that goal.
When it comes to reaching their goal, the girls need to sell cookies. When I say "sell cookies" I don't mean by Quantity. I mean by Quality. Girl Scouts are known for going door-to-door and also holding Cookie Booth Sales. Both involve meeting customers, introducing themselves, taking orders, recording their sales, and handling money. Handling money? Yes, even the youngest Daisy can handle money. They may need an adult by their side, they may need someone to check their math, but they need to handle money.
This year, I have 3rd grade Brownies. Each of them was given an opportunity to handle money. Some did better than others. Some took a few tries to get the hang of it. And one in particular is known for her catch phrase "5 boxes for $20." Hey, it works. No need to make change.
But we also did more than one Cookie Booth. In fact, my daughter doesn't want to stop. She has really impressed me with her smile and spunk when it comes to meeting customers, calculating their order and making change. And this is after working a booth for more than 4 hours. Most troops give the girls 30 minute shifts, but we are so small, I take all of them for as long as they would stay.
My role in Cookie Booth is as follows: I'm the one dancing around with the sign. I try to keep the girls warm. I encourage the girls to speak up and use manners. But I am not allowed to handle the money. If I did, they wouldn't be learning. And they wouldn't be growing with Courage, Confidence and Character.
I would love to know how other people feel about the role of leaders at a GS Cookie Booth?
I have been my daughter's Troop Leader now for 4 years. I have been through different levels of training and have even lead training for Girl Scouts. My specific training is as a First Aid/AED trainer, but I have had the pleasure of also covering for Daisy Leadership Training. This particular level is the most important in my mind. Because this is the level that can be the easiest and the most challenging.
But, I want to talk about a particular area of Girl Scouts that has more topics for discussion than there are calories in a box of Thin Mint Cookies. Cookie Sales.
In the past, I have not been very involved in the Troop Sales of Cookies (or Fall Product for that matter). I've attended the Cookie Manager Training, I've helped my daughter as much as I could, and have always felt disappointed at the end.
Why? Because there are reasons why Girl Scouts sell Cookies.
First, to raise funds to help pay for activities and materials. This requires someone to actually sell cookies. And then, the girls need to participate in activities.
Second, it is an opportunity for girls to learn about the 5 skills associated with running a business. From setting a goal, to how they plan to achieve that goal, to what they are going to do when they reach that goal.
When it comes to reaching their goal, the girls need to sell cookies. When I say "sell cookies" I don't mean by Quantity. I mean by Quality. Girl Scouts are known for going door-to-door and also holding Cookie Booth Sales. Both involve meeting customers, introducing themselves, taking orders, recording their sales, and handling money. Handling money? Yes, even the youngest Daisy can handle money. They may need an adult by their side, they may need someone to check their math, but they need to handle money.
This year, I have 3rd grade Brownies. Each of them was given an opportunity to handle money. Some did better than others. Some took a few tries to get the hang of it. And one in particular is known for her catch phrase "5 boxes for $20." Hey, it works. No need to make change.
But we also did more than one Cookie Booth. In fact, my daughter doesn't want to stop. She has really impressed me with her smile and spunk when it comes to meeting customers, calculating their order and making change. And this is after working a booth for more than 4 hours. Most troops give the girls 30 minute shifts, but we are so small, I take all of them for as long as they would stay.
My role in Cookie Booth is as follows: I'm the one dancing around with the sign. I try to keep the girls warm. I encourage the girls to speak up and use manners. But I am not allowed to handle the money. If I did, they wouldn't be learning. And they wouldn't be growing with Courage, Confidence and Character.
I would love to know how other people feel about the role of leaders at a GS Cookie Booth?
Three Year Anniversary, What's Different?
When you think about anniversaries, you are remembering something that changed your life. Examples include the first time you went on a date with someone, the first time you kissed, the day you were married, the birth of your child. These are things that made changes that impacted your life.
Three years ago, March 31st, 2011: It was Spring Break for my daughter, and we were at the local Y. My husband was at work. My dog was, briefly, at home. I was in the locker room changing cloths being scolded for answering my phone. My home was on fire. The dog, was taken to the neighbor's house.
Let's move forward. February 13th, 2014: I am at work, my daughter is in school, my 26 month old son is in daycare, my husband is at work. Our family dog has been back with us in our new home just over a month. At 11:30 am I get a phone call - my home is on fire. I ask, "Where's my dog?" The answer: what dog?
Anniversaries mark events that change our lives. This one was marked by testing what we learned the first time.
First, purchase a fireproof lock box. Keep it in a place least likely to be affected by things that can happen. Ours was under the bed. Put your marriage license, birth certificates, papers that you want to keep in there. Not just a file cabinet. Smoke penetrates even the smallest cracks. If you can keep the lock box in the basement (smoke rises), do so. But also keep it away from possible flooding (not on the floor, and keep it locked/closed).
Also, get a second one for valuable jewelry. Pearls are not easily cleaned. It also makes it easier to remove those valuable things in case of disaster. Not everything should be trusted to others.
Second, be friendly at all times. Be the person you would like to have in your circle of friends. Especially, if your world flips over. Because those people are hard to find, and a blessing that will not be forgotten when needed. It amazes me the connections I have in my life. People who I couldn't even tell you their name before, but know me through church, Girl Scouts, my daughter's school...because I have shown up and volunteered my time for the sake of my kids (even ones I didn't give birth to), others have volunteered their time for me.
There are many lessons that I learned from living through a disaster. My husband is learning that he needs his wife. My kids already know I'm there for them, but they are learning to let go of things as well.
Other people have control over so many things in my life. Specifically the insurance people whom we have paid to help us out in this situation. But if you don't know what to expect and trust them to just take care of everything and volunteer information to you, you will lose your ass. Taking a few precautions and finding someone who has been through it can help.
Don't assume that insurance is keeping track of what you have and what you have lost. They designate other people to handle different areas for this.
One group cleans your clothing/soft things. They give their bill to the insurance and return you belongings, including the Un-restorables. You are responsible to claim the things that are truly un-restorable. They don't know that your grey dress is supposed to be black, or that your 80's weathered jeans looked like that before the storm.
If you have an American Girl Doll, or Vermont Teddy Bear, keep the receipt!!! Call them first and ask them what to do. Now they keep track of it in their systems if you ordered it (fill out that customer information and log in to track your purchases).
Another party takes care of Personal Property, another for the Building itself. They may have to report to one person, but have their numbers and extensions and cell phone numbers and email addresses. Keep it in more than one place.
Ask for things back! Even if they are un-restorable. We have old books that are no longer printed. I had first editions that were lost in the first house fire because they were not returned, nor were they replaced.
You are only paid for things you replace. IF you don't list it, they don't cover it. Even if you replace it.
Everything you buy to keep life going. Every receipt! Scan it into the computer and track it. Papers get lost or wet or fade. Put the fewest number of items on the receipt. List what is on the receipts before you forget. You will need this.
Finally, simple as it sounds, put that silly sticker in the front window letting other's know how many pets you have. If you have 35 cats, list 35 cats.
Our dog was found under the bed. They thought he was a stuffed animal. My son still looks for him.
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