59 days, with a reality of 56 days.

56 days ago, I received a phone call that my home was on fire.  It's one thing to wonder "how bad is this and what do I do now?"  It's another to already know most of the answer.


 March 31st, 2011, my first home, where my husband and I were raising our daughter, was also on fire.  It is currently being rebuilt.  So, we had some experience with this already.  I knew insurance would offer to put us up in a hotel, and my husband would turn them down.  We would move into his parents' house again because we could do laundry there. 


It also meant that my Father-in-Law and I would be at each other's throats for disagreeing on how to handle things.  What was important to me was keeping my children taken care of and keep them going.  The world doesn't stop for us.  We have made promises.  It doesn't stop because I am now homeless with only a few articles of clothing to last for the next 2+ months. He disagreed. 


Yes, I am still wearing the same cloths to work.  Occasionally I break down and buy something, but Insurance has not given us a starting allowance yet to replace things.  It is coming out of pocket.  Very shallow pockets.


This is wearing on me.  I am starting to fold.  I admit it.  I can not go to my cabinet and spice up my family's dinner.  There is no spice.  I haven't replaced it yet.  It takes time and money.  Time and money I would rather spend on my family.  Especially time.


Last night, I really wanted to go for a run.  I picked up my daughter from After School Care and took her to Swim Team practice.  Then, I had to stop at our last residence to pick up Softball equipment for tonight's practice.  Next I had to go buy my daughter a new shirt to wear for School Pictures on Friday.  And a loaf of bread for our lunches today.  We got home after 9:00pm.  And I still had to go over homework.


No run.  I get up 5:00am to swim in the morning before anyone else gets up or has to leave.  Something always has to give.  Someone always has to give.


I need my workouts to regain my sanity, to keep my health so I can take care of others, to have my alone time to think. I can't keep giving them up.  I only have 38 more days until my first race this season.  38  more days until I get to fulfill a dream I had when I was 16 years old.  A dream I get to share with my parents who never get to see me race anymore.


But for now I am starting to fall apart.